Don’t be fooled by the five dollar Cravings Meal from Taco Bell.
It’s a trap.
It’s like the underdog fighter that’s relegated as an easy win before their music hits.
You’d be forgiven for underestimating it, especially if you’re used to conquering any of Taco Bell’s other higher-priced combos. But the Cravings Deal is as wily as an old Carny who keeps promising that you’re just one ring toss away from being a winner.
You’ll never win the bear.
The $5 Cravings Deal will leave you a regretful bloated gassy mess, pondering what led you back to this position in life and does it have any real meaning?
You’ll also feel like you’re one bad sneeze from some new underpants.
Either is okay when at home with nary a plan for the evening, but it’s horrible for a 30 minute lunch break.
No one wants to deal with hissy managers, dumb customers, and a Clock Off point that seems to never come while stuck in an existential fast food crisis. Luckily, this blog is partly about learning from my mistakes so you don’t have to suffer.
So here are four key items to keep in mind when ordering from Taco Bell on your lunch break.
1.) Whoa Big Spender
Once upon a time, the economy wasn’t too rough.
You could actually land a decent job even if your college degree was in some obscure field like Ancient Basket Weaving. Going out and being young looked more like Friends and less like Naked And Afraid. And $20 on gas could not only fill up the tank, but also net you some change. At least that’s what I assume it was like for the generations before me.
They say that the economy is recovering, which is promising, but there’s still a huge difference between recovering and recovered.
Recovered implies that we’ve already reached the state where everyone can pretty much order any of the Number Combos from Taco Bell without making a major financial decision for the next week or so. Recovering means that there’s still some of us who constantly have ten dollars left in the account to make it between now and next payday.
So when ordering from Taco Bell on your lunch break, avoid eye contact with the regular combos. In fact, they’re not even real; just some magical farting Unicorn ready to sell you magic beans.
When it comes to stretching dollars with fast food, learn the dollar menu like it’s the lyrics to your favorite pop song and you’re due to duet with its star.
2.) Mix It Up
That being said, it doesn’t mean that you can’t create your own combos. For instance, my go to most trips is a shredded chicken burrito and a cheesy bean and rice burrito. If if I’ve got a little extra in the change tray I might splurge on a taco supreme. Or I might decide on a Double Decker Taco and a regular soft taco.
The key idea is to set up a main (regular item) and partner up with a cheaper option (another regular/ 1 or less menu). Minimum is two items but never go beyond three.
For one, if you stick to this, the worst you could spend is $5 and a bit of change, but no more than that.
Two, you’ll likely be less of a bloated mess after lunch then if you got the Two Chalupa Combo with a Taco Supreme and a huge sugary drink.
Speaking of drinks.
3. Go With Water
Look your body is going to hate you anyways for even going to Taco Bell in the first place. And depending on what you order it’ll come up with some creative ways to pay you back.
Sitting in on a meeting, well how about your stomach make a symphony of loud and weird sounds whenever there’s a moment of silence?
Have to transport some product from one end of the warehouse to another, well wouldn’t it be nice to sweat like you’re in the Sahara while stepping a mere two feet?
I’m not saying you’ll be in the clear, but water is a magic, often underutilized liquid that can do wonders for lessening a lot potential post lunch blows. You should have it with every meal really, but especially during lunch.
If you need caffeine, you should already be stocked at work with coffee or an energy drink. Bonus points if you remedy this with a V8 Fusion Energy. You’ll have the smug pedestal of looking slightly better than your supervisor with the 64 Ounce Big Gulp of God Knows What. And that granola eating Becky with the weird name, dyed hair, and marijuana bouquet—seriously how has no one drug-tested her yet?—might give you minor props, which could open the door her dealer, boyfriend bartender, or ridiculously hot friend who works at Whole Foods.
Even in service fields, networking is essential.
4. The Only Time To Ever Order The Ten Taco Deal…
…Is if you’re trying to share it with the rest of your co-workers…or if you got fired.
Excess is acceptable only in sharing or shame.